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bonlynne
I left Andie outside! Over night! I was so mad at myself for not remembering to bring her back in before I went to bed! I helped her break out of her shell weeks ago! She was doin' so good! I was looking forward to another egg layer! But then I had to leave her...! This was the "icing"! I had the meltdown after I found her... :(
So many deaths I've. But so much life I've. On to the next moment. The river doesn't stop, why should life!
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So meltdowns are fun right!? :) Thursday morning I got back 'n realized how exhausted I was 'n when I also realized that I was having déjà vu once again (amigos still sleeping 'n Bran already on his electronic device 'n dishes waiting, garbage, floors 'n veggies needing to be harvested 'n weeds...) I decided to say something! I started with, "I can't do this by myself! You guys eat the food! You use the hydro! You make the floors dirty too! You use the water as much as I do! You get fresh bright orange yoked eggs! You are learning what we learn! You get to eat the vegetables that build new cells! I NEED YOUR HELP! I want your help!"
They listened 'n when I was finished, they all started doin' something! Bran started water for dishes, Dee started washing the floors, 'n Meg helped here 'n there. They made me proud! And after a cpl hours of all of us at it, I said, "Woah, everything is done for the moment 'n the van's home 'n now I actually have time to take you guys out for a bit!" I'm so happy someone is listening! And they showed how much they love 'n care! The next morning Bran was up when I got back home, 'n he was coming back from the pond with water. With Bran he takes it too far. He can't handle it when peeps are upset or even disappointed. He takes it personally 'n tries really hard to make it right. Even by risking his own physical-ness... So I had to teach him! Just a little goes a long way!

So all three boys came 'n stayed for the night! My amigos get along really well with them! Bran just wants 'em over for their electronic devices! :) But when I asked him to watch little Aus on the trampoline he did! I made sure I had the foods they only eat. A loaf of white bread with sugar loaded peanut butter, cheese pizza, fries 'n cereal with lots of sugar 'n Sunny D! I didn't feel good about buying it for 'em. I felt like I was contributing to their death, for life was not goin' to happen with this shite! And even then, it was the wrong cheese pizza 'n the fries were not cooked at the right temperature... OMG! And Meg told me they want to live here! Heh! Bran asked why their Mom just doesn't say what I say, Take it or leave it!? :)
I feel bad for the children! How easy 'n cheap is that diet! I'm working on foods that create immunity 'n if you will; immortality! What can ya do! It's not your life to live! I did tell the boys that they are eating dead food! Dead food means death! Live foods means life! They just looked at me 'n couldn't decide what to say! And my sis wants to move out east 'n live all self sufficient. Yeah. Okay. Just keep the lips still!
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This book took me some time cuz I don't get a lot of time to read. Or I don't make time! :\
It was slightly slow. I wish there wasn't so much relationship drama 'n more action with ancient relics 'n more magyck... :) But I love reading books with strong female characters that take action with heart 'n strong men who value their strong women! The loyalty 'n honour.... so romantic! :)

"'Tis legend that there is one true mate for each Druid, his perfect match, his other half, the one who completes him with her love. If he finds her, they can exchange the Druid binding vows and bind their souls together for all time, through whatever is to come, beyond death, unto eternity."

Better get back to the sauna/home! :) The nephews are coming for 24 hours! Should be fun! I'm not cleaning the house till after they leave!
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This book took me some time cuz I don't get a lot of time to read. Or I don't make time! :\
It was slightly slow. I wish there wasn't so much relationship drama 'n more action with ancient relics 'n more magyck... :) But I love reading books with strong female characters that take action with heart 'n strong men who value their strong women! The loyalty 'n honour.... so romantic! :)

"'Tis legend that there is one true mate for each Druid, his perfect match, his other half, the one who completes him with her love. If he finds her, they can exchange the Druid binding vows and bind their souls together for all time, through whatever is to come, beyond death, unto eternity."

Better get back to the sauna/home! :) The nephews are coming for 24 hours! Should be fun! I'm not cleaning the house till after they leave!

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So this volunteer thing is becoming somewhat too much! The other weekend I waited for almost an hour while they texted back 'n forth as to where to go. Finally they texted that they were somewhere 'n could I come there so they could follow me back to the Centre. And fine, I'll get over it when they smile 'n mean it when they say Thanks! And for the most part everyone is keeping the centre clean cuz I'm giving them reason to with my heartfelt respect u n me speech in the words that come from the heart! Jo was complaining about the hydro bill. Yeah cuz a few renters crank up the air 'n if I'm not there the next day.... So do we have to look into a case 'n adjust it when they get the key!? And I'll ask someone to take care of this 'n then weeks later it still won't be done so I might as well do it myself!
And then the health inspector came back to see if I complied! Thermometers check. Bleach check. Wrong strips though! You wanted chlorine test strips; I got chlorine test strips. Apparently they are different from others b/c they tell you the actual ppm. I want to get rid of all the dishes! Then we don't have to deal with all this hoopla! Jo actually agrees too. We just have to ask the little old ladies who donated them so they don't get hurt! Pretty sure I almost made her cry. Women are so f-in fragile! All I said was that I didn't understand the whole concept of bleach. She responded with, It kills all the harmful microorganisms. I replied with, And all the good ones. She started sighing right away cuz no one wants to argue about anything that's right anymore. She assumed I didn't know shit 'n just a dumb fuck like the rest of the other civilians that they get to push around. I got slightly sarcastic 'n said, Let's just destroy the aphid 'n the lady bug. Let's just destroy ALL life! Then she wanted me to sign. Why I asked. Oh you should've heard that sigh! I don't want to be any part of man's ways in destroying our entire ecosystem! Then when she was leaving, she said she was just doing her job. Just doing what she was told. What a load of SHIT! Okay, so I'm gonna go find a mob boss 'n ask for a job 'n when a young father is pleading for his life, I'm gonna tell I'm just doin' my job. WTF!?! I don't think it's 5% anymore. I'd be curious to know if peeps are using any part of their brains. Not only are they not listening anymore. They don't know how.
I spoke from the heart. I'm sorry the girl walked into my world. I've a fire. A great fire within. A passion. An intense passion. For life. For living. If you can't handle it, there are no doors. So walk away!
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We just finished the last 'n final season of Person of Interest. So sad that the man in the suit will be no more! I'm gonna miss that silver fox of a man! LOL! Jame says, "Ya know he's just a fictional character right!?" :) Maybe he rescues damsels in distress in real life! Ya never know!

Good ending! I cried!
I'm glad free will belonged to the soul in the very end!

I will say only one negative thing about the writing though. Yes, when you look at history you think that man keeps making the same mistakes; but if one looks deeper, they'd realize that the soul that made the first mistake oh so long ago has now been enlightened in its' spiralling journey! So it's always a different soul needing the experience to evolve! It only sucks when the soul gets stuck on repeat!
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So the answer is bacteria, but in what state!

The western medical world should've asked two questions:

Why 'n how did "Typhoid Mary" survive the epidemic!?

Why do the peeps west start dying when they turn 30; when the peeps east go strong till a week before they die at a ripe old age!?

Too bad, so sad, that not enough peeps were curious to find the answer to these questions!
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I did get a chance to relax this weekend! My amigos were at the lake, 'n I had finished relaying a pathway 'n the weeds were gone 'n Jame didn't need my help for a while... so off I went to my spot to expose my human vessel to the intense sun! Jame doesn't get it, but it's me adapting, 'n maybe it's a Druidess thing, 'n I actually get some meditating done while I'm laying there! I was meditating on my next move in life 'n tryin' to listen to the heart 'n came up with the actions; 'n just as I had that thought I opened my eyes 'n a butterfly flew by! In that moment I was reminded of change! Transformation!

I'm glad this happened after the shadow! Yup, finally saw my first shadow. I woke up the first night 'n as I was makin' my way up the stairs I made out this black shadowy figure standing near the top. But I thought I was just groggy from waking up so I continued. But as I got closer I felt like something was keeping me from continuing. Almost pushing me back or tryin' to. But b/c I've exposed my conscious mind to everything I can, I recognized it for what it could be 'n made my choice to walk through with the thought: when a gal's bladder is full of german beer.... :) I told Jame the next morning 'n he had just finished an author on the subject.

Yup, that's me. Dangerous! Goin' through life listening to the heart 'n giving peeps a reason! A purpose! Meaning! Hope! Heart! Love!

And how else am I dangerous!? Hee hee! So I came out of Wmart the one day 'n as I was approaching the van, I said to Jame, who was sitting there waiting; "Don't I look bad ass 'n dangerous with my new knife!" His eyes went wide, 'n said, "Bloody Hell (okay he didn't say that cuz that's what I say) you can't do that! You have to conceal it!" I want to be more dangerous! :)
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The "patio" is oh so almost there! I had a chance to go to the lake with Kay 'n the amigos but wanted to stay home 'n help Jame when I could so he doesn't burn out. Everyone else goes home early in this heat but when the boss hands Jame a new list at 2-3, he goes 'n gets it done. I think he does it so he can bring a load of sand home or borrow the stone saw. Nise said the one day that only Jamie has to work in this heat while Shan was standing there. I replied with Yeah, Jame is his best man. J takes, Jame takes. It's a vicious cycle! He probably went 'n told his sister right away, but I don't give a rat's ass anymore. My friend has been there for a very long time.... before....

I think I found someone to help the company out! I was in ....bucks 'n Aid was there on break. We got talking 'n I said, You need to work at G....! They are looking for some good workers! It's not easy work, but if you want the hours.... 'n ya just have to make sure that when the boss gives you a list, don't get it done in record speed cuz his memory works very well in this department! :) I'm such a trouble maker! But he has his own car! He's a friendly chap 'n probably gets along with most peeps! Now he just has to figure out how much he wants to work in this heat! So when I picked up Jame, we found some cards on the desk 'n drove back there to give him a card so he knows where to go!!! :)

Here's hoping, cuz it seems like everyone is falling apart there! We may lose an awesome worker for snow removal which Lise is panicking about already. Another is ready to quite cuz he's so tired of working alone all the time 'n it doesn't help when ur woman is sleeping around with another employee. Or so the latest words coming from peeps mouths are saying. It's no surprise after watching em for a whole week! Drama, drama, drama. It's heart wrenching when one choose actions that haven't been inspired by the heart. Nothing wrong with loving everybody 'n some more deeply then others, 'n there's nothing wrong with showing 'em through pure actions that you true love 'em; but anything beyond... Like the crazy, can't live without you love, make me a better person love, my muse... is pure when it's done the right way. We need this kind if we ever want to change who we are!
If your heart isn't making the decisions, then the actions aren't pure.

Current Music: The best of Transformers soundtracks

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We finally got a good rain! I was soooo happy, cuz I was prepared to fill up jugs 'n wheelbarrow back 'n forth from the pond, but I was exhausted! So I took a day to let my body catch up. Meg 'n I sat downstairs 'n watched romantic comedies from 2006-8. They seemed to stop writing good romances after that. I went to the second hand store 'n bought a few cuz I want my girls to see, so they know what to look for. That's if the next generation is taught how to woo! :)

On that very rainy day I was seeking out a book. Anyone that knows me at all, knows that my books are sacred. Yup, more then my pillow! Now, b/c I'm here to inspire souls', I lent out one of my most sacredess books of all! The book that started my journey to enlightenment! I wasn't sure how it'd go but gave a chance. I let go of the death look after everything I'd given, put up with "the show(off)" when both guys said Nope, never comes out., 'n then taking complaints from her husband 'n making it employee gossip, but when it becomes about..., was enough. I had nightmares about such a jewel being in the wrong hands. Would it get thrown away I feared. When I saw the bookmark, I didn't wonder why it was nagging me so much. But then a book I gifted him with also came back. I don't understand anymore. I can't function when no one says what they mean 'n mean what they say. Jame is always telling me that I can't change the world. I'm not. I'm only trying to inspire. He says I make him a better man. That's what it's about. And inspire life. Living. Feeling truly alive! So I don't know. Time to meditate on it all 'n decide with the heart. Everyone's life is their choice! I've only ever cared. But I should probably figure out when it's not wanted!

So I wonder if the boss drank his magical beer today! Jame was nervous about asking for today off cuz they have so much work 'n so few employees 'n only a few of them don't take off all the time to smoke.... Iye! So I said, I'm the one that needs you to drive me there cuz my internal compass is so f-ed up, so I'll ask! So I gave him a bottle of beer 'n told him he'd need it on Thursday cuz I needed Jame to take the day off! Lisa even smiled. Jame is right. He doesn't joke around anymore. Well, I hope he has someone that makes him happy from time to time! He told Jame all his dreams were coming true! His man space. Or man playground! Maybe he's only happy there!

Watching The Holiday again. That's my idea of a big house. Trade for two weeks! But that would never happen cuz no one in their right mind would go for 5:30 rooster calls, 'n watering cans...! :)

So yes, my baby is finally home. They ended up giving her some medication 'n she stuck it out. Good thing we left earlier. Traffic was stop 'n go here 'n there. An accident on the way back... From 10 till 5 was spent mostly in the van! We walked around Ikea a bit cuz we were a little early 'n needed the bathrooms. She cried when she saw us! Then she cried when she said goodbye to her new friends! She was glad to get home. It was really hard work 'n long days. She did say she would do it again next year though. She went above 'n beyond in my books. Even when she was done her duties; she stayed to help the cooks! That's my girl! She was glad to see Annabelle 'n her cat! Couldn't believe how big Thor had gotten! He's like a small panther! And the chicks, 'n the kittens!
She had quite the experiences! Loved watching the sunsets 'n the stars! The girls were great! Only a couple demanding privileged kids, but she followed the lead of the other girls. And most importantly gained a new confidence that she deserves to have! So it did change her!

The only problem: more peeps know that we are going against the grain. She said the camp nurse was asking her all kinds of questions about homeschooling. What does that have to do with her health!? I'm teaching my amigos how to heal the physical body. Actually heal! And how to heal a heart. And how to inspire peeps by caring 'n goin' out of your way for them cuz this world is lacking so much love. True love. They pretend to love... but true love lasts forever! I'm teaching 'em how to heal animals. How to heal 'n care for the environment. How to become self sufficient 'n grow their own food... How to learn from experience. How to become self taught b/c the greatest men are! And most importantly: how to be the being they were born to be in this vast garden, 'n let their fragrance inspire others to be who they are; so we can all experience something great in each other. I don't want to be something I'm not.

An epiphany I had the other day: Could never figure out why I love Vivaldi, .... but I always heard so much in the music. So many feelings. And how now a days, music, 'n so few films have any talent to 'em. And then it hit me! They were aware! They were alive! They were living! And only till then; can you actually create your masterpiece!

Long weekend!? Jame isn't even sure. He wants to get the extended patio 'n play area, cuz it's not a driveway! done this weekend! I guess I know what I'm doin' this weekend! Carrying bricks back 'n forth! Yeah. Not so much!

Time to fall asleep whilst meditating about everything I'm feeling 'n whilst I am in dreamland, may the higher part of I, as in am; speak to my heart in how to proceed to the next moment for gaining only what the soul desires!
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